A little Bit Off

I just find it really hard to write down the very thing that bothers me right down to my core these past months. It's really bothersome like it's stuck within me and I can't spew it up like a stubborn phlegm. But I do believe that it should be said, it should be known. I can drop one liners of it but that will never justify the extent of the issue(s). I can't even decide if it's singular or many thing or something more akin to a tree; a trunk in which myriad of branches came out of it. I am tired of thinking of it/them, ruminating it/them, analysing it/them again and again. I am sad and upset and angry because of it/them. I'm losing faith in certain systems and beliefs that had long been engrained in my mind to the point that it felt like flesh is being peeled off of my skull; the pain, the agony. The necessity. I really need to write it down, talk it out, do something, anything with it! I've come to that point that I can't just not do anything about it at all!

This is me, on the sideline, watching. And I am that damaged by it

I think I should be clear when I said "losing faith" I don't mean by with God or my religion so y'all can chill on that front.