Haven't you been trying

It's almost a month now since our term break started. Even before it started I've already thinking of the next sem. No, it's not because I wanna get ahead of everyone before the sem even started mentality. It's because I know I'm far off behind from where I should be as compared to everybody. Not to say there hasn't been progress but the point where I started, so low... and the start was so sluggish... Kept telling myself how bad I need to pull myself up and up.

Sure, the feedback stings. Not because it hurts, but because they're honest, like the mirror. Every freaking zit is accounted for. Not easy to to swallow but hey, better than wallowing in the same mistakes over and over again!

But moving along I do see the improvements. From "you should include this" or "I don't get this" to "well done!" or "very good!". Isn't that suppose to be the point? The ultimate result does say something but that step by step achievements and improvements, that's suppose to be what one cherish because that is the whole thing, not that ultimate result. Nope, not the A or B or F but what led up to it. What's the point of moving along when you don't even know from and to where you're moving. How can you fix something without knowing what was wrong to begin with?

It felt like that's what wrong with education today. It's no longer about "belajar baik2" but it's all about "dapat A banyak2". When Dan said "well, you did Pass", I puffed up my cheeks. Not happy. But that, I guess, the mentality that I've grown with, "it's not good enough". But to think that I even got that grade is astonishing enough considering I've failed a huge chunk of it and barely made it on some of the other components.

"you'll grow better"

That was all that I needed