Of bottled paper cranes...

After going through ROUGHLY the notes for whatever is coming out for midsem for Foundation of Leadership, my eyes just can't tolerate alphabets anymore... I'm too lazy to eat (no, I've just eaten before although its just a mere pack of Panda biscuits :P) so I just laid my head on the table and looked at stared at the most 'happening' corner of my table. Other than the fully stuffed with multi-coloured pen case-of-a-majigga, was a small bottle previously filled with kiwi juice that is now almost filled to the brim with paper cranes of variety of colour and patterns in two distinct sizes. It was something I did throughout last sem. I have yet to temper with it when I got back here from break.

Last sem, I had to say, hadn't been too kind on me with me getting sick for more than a month in total, strings of bad lucks which had its way of affecting my work progress, mental and emotional conflict within me and some realization that knocked me off my sleep (no... that's not a bad thing... :|) Since I don't have any diary at my disposal and no time to write in great lengths without producing writings that helminths would recognise as one of own, I resort to writing whatever that makes me feel frustrated or sad or whatever on the back of the 4 or 3cm origami papers, fold them into papers cranes and stuff them into the bottle. Its kinda like putting away the feelings and thoughts that came between me and solving whatever problems I have at that time (because I found out that bottling up feelings inside oneself is unhealthy, I 'bottled' it elsewhere! 8D)

Anyways, so I took one by one out, carefully opened them (there's a very COMPLICATED art in doing this... Not for the faint hearted XD) and read whatever I have written on it. Some made me cackle;

"Hish Dr. M nih~! Kejap klas ade, kejap klas tuka... biar btol!"

"Farid suro aku jumpe Dr P... Gilo apo? Die klas rep! AHH~!~!~!!!"

Some made my eyes water;

(I dare not disclose 8D haha~!)

And some... They're just... there... (no, kidding... no significance that I can relate to now :P)

Sure, I screwed up last sem good2 but it meant a lot to me. I solemnly swear to have absolute no passion in what I'm doing up to that moment of realization. Its like this; most of my friends that I know of (yes~ I'm talking about you people wahai kanak2 Seroja dan seangkatan dengannye~~ :D) are here because our offer stated that after three years doing Biomedic, we can go and proceed getting our Medical degree overboard for another three years. So to say, when doing medic there's something wrong and we drop out, we still have the Biomedic degree to land on. Sweet~~ Here's the thing: I am NOT interested in a degree in Medic because it practically means that I am to slave away, studying AND working like a zombie for the better sake and health of mankind, which is the same species I plan to destroy due to their inability to keep check of the ailing planet that they live on and all the other creatures that does not fall in the Homo sapien species. (paham tak the saying 'Khalifah Allah di bumi'?) That was why I chose zoology in hope that I play a role in conservation (I hate it when I see 'animal enclosure' that looks like a cage... Do you actually know how different cement and soil feels?!)

....I'm trying to imagine me saying those to my parents....
....yeah....
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Okay2~ but now that I'm here not there, there's not really much that I can do other than to make the best out of this (dude~! No way I'm screwing up this just because I don't like it! That's not rebelling, that's just being stupid!) but yeah, I had no passion, no absolute personal drive or reason to make the best out of this and when I trip and fall flat on my face, It was one of the harshest moment in my life... Imagine yourself in my shoes, on and on, thinking that I'm forcing myself so hard for something that I don't want... For what?

But that all changed last sem with a mere conversation with my lecturer. I realized that other than that medic offer, there are still other options available, although at that time I was not clear of what they were. Early on this sem, I took the time to discuss of these matters with my mentor and aunt and I can now see the individual colours of the spectrum instead of only the white one. Of course, I haven't made up my mind fully of what I want to do yet... But it does kinda involve ditching medic like Hell yeah~! (XD haha~) Like what my aunt said when I had some ideas for final year and she gave me the setbacks to them and it made me silent for a while, "still early." (well, if final year is still early obviously whatever after that is still WAY early :P)

Before any of you have some bad ideas of what am I trying to say, I'll make this clear again; I am merely asking you guys to think of the options available for us. Takde kerje aku nak hasut korang tak sambung wat medic. It's your life, so you have the personal freedom to choose what is it you want to do with it, lagi2 masing2 dah nak 21 taon, grown adults, bukan pupae dah... Boleh vote pon! Just jangan taksub sangat with that only option pasal karang bile tak dapat... nangis la, nyesal la, tak tau nak buat ape la... Korang gak yang susah kan? Buat la back-up plan at least... Lagi2... Well... Rumours are never kind... Boleh tahan macam2 gak aku dengar takat nih...

Dah2! tak yah nak panjang2 lagi! Ahad exam! Pi study! :P


Oyeh~ Final words for all:

GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR MIDSEM PEOPLE!
(I vainly need this T_T)

Owh~ and since I got back my uber-hyper-happy-laughing-for-no-reason mode that I seemed to had lost for YEARS, here's a crack of a song: Kra, Shunshoku no hana =) honestly, its hyper happy but at the same time beautiful with full utilization of all members instruments (no, Keiyuu doesn't shout like crazy :P haha~) Tak payah pon nak tengok PV nih... dengar je... bes2~ =3



Kay2~ Aku anak tiri-kan Enma__Ai skarang Sya~ Puas hati??? :P haha~