If you had been following me on Twitter I apologise for the earlier spam of random memorabilia. The last time I've seen them earliest was a year ago, though I doubt it. Made me smile, made me thought of the times when we were younger. I enjoyed the innocence and the carefreeness of it. Seemed all is lost, covered by the seriousness of this "adult life".
Really, I was looking through all those cards and letters from my friends and thought of what I had written and sent to them during the time when it cost only 30cent to post a letter nationwide (skarang double siak!). The things that were written, the way they were written, the decorations and doodles to "jazz" em up... Kinda wonder what if the writer sees it goes all "aww, I did that!" or "OMG, I did THAT?!" Honest to God, there were things I've written to some people that made me think "dear God, why did you made me post them? Please4 let them never reach no one, please?"
Kinda funny how super conscious I am now. Being aware of risks and consequences felt kinda backfired on me. Sure, I'm more aware but somehow I do feel that it made me less eager or even fearful of taking the first step forward.
Like, I used to write crap. Not only crap, their fanfics. Not only they were fanfics, I shamelessly Mary Sue-d myself. Not only did I write fanfics with me not-so-subtly inserted here and there, I let my friends read them! (boy you ladies are so nice for not jibbing that to my face) And I also enjoyed doodling. Mostly cartoon people. I draw funny because I gave more emphasise on the face and my people always turn out to be big headed people. I never really realised it then... Not until a year or two ago I flipped through the "legendary" green book *headdesk*.
I'm only bringing up these two because last Sunday during our Wingmates "reunion" ("reunion" la, 4 orang je datang!) Bazzy asked me, "still buat eh yang lukis2 tu?" was a habit but apparently it shrugged off me. Even if I try to start, I couldn't imagine the image and it turns out half-baked. Disproportionate, duh~! But I liked it! I like that state of being lost in the doodling process and I liked it when it turned out nice... For heaven's sake, I even did Kenshin once and DARED coloured it with INK! (Not that good but hey! Can't blame a girl for trying can you?) I really wish I can doodle without bothering if the head is big or the face is askew or that dude looks like a lady!
And one of my findings in the stash today was the card of the friendship day chocolate we had at school with the message, "keep up writing Arthrowl or whatever it is" ...derp... I stopped ever since I lost the forth book (I used those buku latihan kecik. Can you imagine how many the school made us buy and how may were actually used throughout the school year?). After that I kinda decided that I needed to type the three and in the process of editing the first one fine day, I successfully corrupted the file (THANK YOU DISKETTE!). Exasperating, really. But I've printed it before the corruption but couldn't be bothered to re-type it again. Skip a couple of years, I read it and went, "nah, this doesn't make sense," and "WTF WAS I ON THIS SENTENCE DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!". Edit it and realised that the change effects the other two *headdesk* I gave up and write up parts at random IF I ever felt like it. In fact, one of my previous entry was a part, I just omitted a particular name in a hope that it would not be too obvious to someone. Question is, when would it ever turn into a cohesive sensible story when the editing process will go on throughout my lifetime, if ever possible?
Sheesh~ am I THAT harsh on myself? Yes I am. In fact, I know for sure that nobody can criticise me worse than myself so talk-down is pretty much pointless. I've already did you that favour.
(bahaha! type kol 4 pagi memang crap la kan!)
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